Could Socialising Be Your Missing Prescription?

Are we losing the art of true connection to digital efficiency? It’s a vital component of our overall health and well-being, says Aditya Mendonca, who overcame social anxiety to converse effortlessly with anybody.

There was a time when I would have laughed at the idea that socialising could be considered part of our health and well-being. Not because I thought being around people was unimportant, but because talking to people has become such a natural part of my life that I never really thought of it as something I had to work at.

I am an extrovert. Put me in a room with people I have never met and I will usually find a way into the conversation. I can talk to someone regardless of whether they are a CEO, a waiter, a taxi driver, an artist, a student or someone I have simply bumped into. I am interested in people, and I have become comfortable asking questions, listening and finding common ground.

But that is not how it started.

As a child, socialising was not always easy for me. Some of the things I now do without thinking were skills I had to develop. Approaching someone I didn’t know, knowing how to start a conversation, understanding how to read a situation and working out how to make another person comfortable were not automatic.

Looking back, I realise that I was learning something that would become incredibly useful later in life: how to talk to anyone. I thought of it as I interact with so many people on a daily basis and decided to hone my skills. In our media production business, it always starts with a conversation.

That may sound like a simple skill, but I think it is one of the most underrated skills we can develop.

Dr Jonathan Leary’s question, “Could socialising be your missing prescription?”, made me think about this in a completely different way. We tend to think of health in fairly familiar terms: exercise, nutrition, sleep, reducing stress and getting medical advice when something isn’t right. Social interaction doesn’t always get placed in the same conversation.

Perhaps it should.

We have never been more connected

The irony is that we have never had so many ways to communicate. We can speak to somebody on the other side of the world instantly. We can see what friends, colleagues and complete strangers are doing throughout the day. We can belong to online communities without ever meeting the people in them.

Yet being constantly connected doesn’t necessarily mean that we are experiencing meaningful connection. There is a difference between communicating and interacting. There is also a difference between being surrounded by people and actually engaging with them.

I think we have become very good at making communication efficient. A message can replace a phone call. A reaction can replace a conversation. A quick comment can replace sitting down with someone and finding out what is actually going on in their life.

Efficiency is useful, of course. I use technology every day and couldn’t imagine working without it. But there are some things technology cannot completely replace, and one of them is the experience of being with another person.

When you are physically present with someone, there is far more happening than the words being exchanged. You notice facial expressions, tone of voice and body language. You respond to the energy of the room. You laugh at things that perhaps wouldn’t be funny in a message. A conversation can wander somewhere unexpected. That is often where the interesting stuff happens.

The science behind feeling better around people

There is also a physiological reason why a good interaction can change how we feel.

Positive social experiences can engage the brain’s reward systems and are associated with neurochemicals involved in pleasure, motivation and social bonding. We often describe the feeling quite simply: “I feel better after seeing them.”

Think about the difference between spending an evening alone at home and unexpectedly meeting a friend for coffee. Neither experience is necessarily better or worse. We all need time alone, and solitude can be restorative. But the physical and emotional experience of a positive interaction can be noticeably different.

You become more animated. You laugh. You pay attention. You react to another person’s expressions and stories. Your mind has something to respond to rather than simply consuming information.

The important point is that this doesn’t require a particular setting. It can happen at home, at work, outside, in a restaurant, on public transport or while travelling somewhere completely unfamiliar. You don’t need to attend a wellness retreat or join an exclusive club to experience the benefits of human interaction.

Sometimes it can start with a very ordinary conversation.That is what I find so appealing about the idea of socialising as part of well-being. It isn’t necessarily another task to add to an already busy schedule. It can be incorporated into the life you are already living.

Learning to speak to anyone

One of the most useful lessons I have learned is not to judge people by what they do. We are very quick to make assumptions. We hear someone’s job title and make a judgement. We notice someone’s clothes, accent, education or social circle and decide whether we have anything in common.

I have found the opposite approach far more rewarding. Be curious.

Someone’s profession tells you what they do. It doesn’t necessarily tell you who they are. The person serving your coffee may have travelled more than you. The person driving your taxi may know more about your city than any guidebook. Someone you meet at a business event may have a completely different life outside their job.

Everyone has a story. Once I understood that, talking to people became much easier. I stopped worrying so much about whether I had something impressive to say and became more interested in asking a good question. That takes a lot of pressure out of social situations.

It also makes it possible to cross some of the invisible boundaries we create between people. You don’t need to have the same career, income, education, interests or background to have a good conversation. You don’t even have to agree with someone on everything. You simply need to be interested enough to listen.

What about children?

This is particularly relevant when I think about my own childhood. As adults, we can sometimes assume that children will naturally learn how to navigate social situations. We tell them to make friends, join in, speak up and talk to people, without necessarily appreciating how complicated those things can feel when you are young.

Social confidence is a skill. Some children find it easier than others. Some are naturally outgoing, while others need more time to feel comfortable. Neither is necessarily a problem, but giving children opportunities to interact with different people can help them develop confidence that will stay with them.

I know that is true in my own case. The things I found difficult when I was younger eventually became things I became comfortable doing. Today, being able to walk into a room and talk to almost anyone is something I genuinely value.

It has helped me professionally, certainly, but I think its value goes far beyond work. It has helped me meet people I would never otherwise have known, understand different perspectives and become more comfortable in unfamiliar environments.

Choosing connection

There is a distinction worth making here. Socialising should not become another wellness obligation. Not everyone wants to be the most sociable person in the room. Some people recharge through solitude, and that should be respected. There are times when I want to be alone too.

The question is whether we are choosing that solitude or simply drifting into isolation. There is a difference.

If you are sitting at home because you genuinely want some quiet time, that’s one thing. If you are spending every evening alone because it has gradually become easier not to make plans, that is something else.

The same applies at work. You can sit at your desk surrounded by colleagues and still go through an entire day without having a meaningful conversation. We can become so focused on productivity that we forget that people are part of the environment in which we work.

Perhaps we should occasionally give ourselves permission to stop.

1. Have coffee/ tea/ any beverage you typically consume before 4pm.
2. Ask the question.
3. Talk to the person sitting next to you.
4. Find out what they are interested in.
5. Not every interaction needs to have a purpose.
6. In fact, some of the best ones don’t.

A prescription that costs nothing

What I like about the idea of social connection as part of well-being is that it is remarkably accessible.

You don’t have to be an extrovert. You don’t need to become the person who walks into every room and knows everyone. You don’t have to force yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable. You can start small.

Call someone rather than sending a message. Have lunch with a colleague. Speak to someone new. Ask a neighbour how they are. Put your phone away while you are having a conversation and actually listen to the answer.

For me, the biggest lesson has been that talking to people is not about being entertaining or impressive. It is about being interested. I think back to the child who found some of these things difficult and realise how much those skills have shaped the adult I became. Perhaps that is why Dr Leary’s question stayed with me.

Could socialising really be your missing prescription? I’m not suggesting that a conversation can replace medical care. But if we are thinking about well-being in its broadest sense, it seems reasonable to ask whether human connection deserves a more prominent place in the conversation. We spend so much time trying to optimise our lives. We track our steps, monitor our daily lives, but we need to get back to talking to people in person.